Solitude
by cockycute
Summary: When Regina walks into the library she and Belle help each other move on from their past lovers.


Even though Regina locked her up, even though she kept her away from the man that she loved for twenty-eight years and purposefully sabotaged the only real relationship that she'd ever had, Belle still pitied her. She built up walls around her heart to keep people out. Walls built out of betrayals and unkindness. The walls worked. People stayed away from her. She was possibly the most hated woman in Storybrooke, it was a vicious cycle; people hated Regina which proved to her that she was unlovable so she pushed people away even more which made people hate her even more. The cycle would never end. Belle felt that under the mask of the Evil Queen, Regina had a heart. A beautiful, kind heart that no one would ever see because Regina hid it so well. But every once in awhile, Belle could see that Regina truly cared for her son, and despite the bitterness between Regina and Rumplestiltskin, she could tell that once, they had a real camaraderie, and Belle felt that underneath all of the anger and resentment between them, there were still a few pieces of it left. Every once in awhile, Belle could see a nostalgic smile pass between Regina and Rumple. On occasion, Rumplestiltskin would speak Regina's name with something other than bitterness and contempt. There was a kind of connection between them, a part of Rumple that Belle would never touch, that would belong only to Regina. She was surprised to realize that she didn't really care. Regina could have that part of him. She could have the love of the monster, Belle just wanted the love of the man.

For weeks, Belle had wondered why she had been drawn to Rumplestiltskin in the first place and why she had stayed with him even after she knew who he really was, after all that he had done to her. She wondered what it was about him that made her keep coming back to him despite all that it cost her. Then, one night when she and Rumplestiltskin were taking a break from their relationship, she was closing down the library and a book caught her eye. It was a book about a girl who had started a relationship with someone who she knew was a bad boy, and who stayed in the relationship even after it turned abusive. Belle shuddered, then she realized that she was kind of in the same situation. Rumplestiltksin wasn't abusive, but staying in a relationship with him still came at a great personal cost. Like the girl in the book, Belle realized that she had been drawn to Rumplestiltksin because she liked monsters, she was drawn to them, she wanted to fix them, but she had the feeling that once she did, she lost interest. After she had reformed all of her previous boyfriends, she had stopped seeing them. She didn't mean to be so flighty, there was just something about a damaged soul that Belle couldn't resist. She felt like exploring their psyche was an adventure, and for years, it was the only one that she had. When she was imprisoned in Rumple's castle she had an opportunity to both live away from home and try to reform the most evil person that she'd heard of. It had been so exciting that it had been enough for her for awhile. But now, Belle felt herself wanting more. Yes, Rumplestiltskin was evil, but Belle knew that he could be reformed. He wasn't the most evil person she knew anymore. The Queen was. Anyone who could lock a person up for almost thirty years just to destroy the happiness of two people in love was a person who could never be redeemed. If Belle were really looking for someone who would always be evil (and who was also probably incapable of loving anyone except herself) she would choose Regina. Regina was even more evil than Rumplestiltskin, there was no way to fix her, but Belle had never fallen in love with a woman before. Every one of her suitors had been men, yet Belle felt drawn to her. Regina's damage was like a magnet to her. Belle wanted to ease her pain and show her that someone could love her, that she was more than just the villain in everyone's stories, she was a beautiful, powerful, intelligent woman who someone could love even if that love would never be reciprocated.

Belle locked up the library and jumped when she saw Regina standing right behind her. She blushed, glad that mindreading wasn't one of Regina's many powers.

"I'm sorry to startle you Belle, but I was wondering if I could check out a book." Regina's tone was polite, but it didn't quite mask the icy contempt that Belle could tell that Regina felt for her.

"What kind of a book?"

"A book of fluffy spells, Henry's birthday is coming up, and I'd like to make him a magical cake to show him that magic can be used for good as well as evil."

Belle smiled. "That's very noble of you." She unlocked the door to the library and Regina walked in. Since Belle didn't know exactly what book Regina was looking for because she was new at her job as a librarian and Regina seemed to know what she was doing, Regina got the book herself and Belle stood in the lobby, waiting to check it out to her.

"I'll stamp it for you." Belle told her.

"No, it's quite alright, I can do it myself." After Regina was done stamping the due date in the slip of the book, Belle happened to spot the cover of it despite Regina's attempt to hide it from her.

"That's not a book of magical cake recipes." Belle recognized the book from Rumplestiltskin's collection. It was one of his darker books, and, if Belle remembered correctly, it had something to do with bringing back the dead.

"Regina, Daniel's not coming back. You should move on and start dating. You'll find someone else who will love you." Belle put her hand over Regina's in a gesture that was meant to be comforting. Regina snatched her hand out from under Belle's.

"Nobody could ever love me!" Regina hissed. Belle was shocked by the echo of Rumplestiltskin's words on Regina's lips. Belle wasn't sure if Regina had been watching the orchestrated implosion of Belle and Rumple's relationship and was now just cruelly tossing those heartbreaking words back at her or if she genuinely believed this. Belle gave Regina the benefit of the doubt and tried to comfort her.

"Rumplestiltskin does. There's a part of him that will always belong to you. A part of him that I will never be able to reach" Regina laughed bitterly.

"The part I have of him is the darkest, worst part there is. The part so dark that even The Dark One can't admit exists. The part so full of hatred that the love he feels for me is just an inverted reflection of that hatred. The part of Rumplestiltskin even worth having belongs to you. I don't have the love of the man, all I have is the love of the monster, if you can even call it love. No one could ever love me." Regina repeated.

"You're wrong." Belle leaned in to kiss Regina. She had no idea what had come over her. Before tonight, she had never even entertained the idea of having a sexual relationship with The Queen. They kissed and kissed. Their lust was like an all-consuming fire. They couldn't get enough of each other. Regina ripped off Belle's slightly frumpy but still cute dress off before she ripped off her own. They started having sex. Regina was really good and seemed really experienced which surprised Belle because she had always thought that Regina was kind of repressed. How wrong she had been. Belle climaxed and Regina smiled, pleased with her work. She put her clothes back on and started to leave.

"Where are you going?" Belle asked. Regina looked at her like she was a complete moron.

"I'm leaving. I have work in the morning." When she saw the look on Belle's face she laughed. "You didn't actually think that this was going to amount to any more, did you? I'm sorry my child, but I'm not in love with you." Belle tried not to feel too disappointed. Did she really expect more from Regina? She was a very private person and she had just lost her first true love forever. Still, Belle couldn't help feel disappointed, even though she knew that Regina was the one who had locked her up, she felt that in a way, Regina had done her a favor. Belle had kept her memories and she'd had a long time to evaluate her decisions and she realized that she didn't regret them. By kissing Rumplestiltskin, she had proven that someone could love him and that he was still capable of love himself. Whether he realized it on a conscious level or not Belle felt like she had freed him in a way.

Imprisonment did have its disadvantages though. After almost thirty years of solitary confinement in a cold, gray basement, Belle was always hungry for human contact. Little did she know that Regina did too, she just couldn't bear to love someone who she had hurt so much. Whose life she had ruined, whose love she had taken away. In her short lifetime, she had ruined so many lives that she couldn't even keep track anymore. She didn't deserve love, only the lonely life and solitude that her power condemned her to and the cold companionship of her guilty conscience.


End file.
